No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
