quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
