You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
