Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
