Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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