I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
