i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize