Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
