the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
