i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize