That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
