I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
