I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
