I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
