The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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