He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
