when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
