So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
