his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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