If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
