I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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