Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
