we made out on top of his cat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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