It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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