If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize