Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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