she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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