they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
