Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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