Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
