I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
