Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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