There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
