im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They took my balls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
