my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
soo... how was my night?
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