im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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