Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
