I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
