you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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