Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize