i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
