Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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