guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
