I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
