my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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