Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
