Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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