i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
