im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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