Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
