I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
