what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you will always have a special place in my vag
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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