I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
