I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
