I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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