he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
time to smoke my breakfast
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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