Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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