as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
