Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
