How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
