Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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