remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
